bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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