Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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