I'm drive I can fine osifer
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
