he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
well, you know. whores of a feather.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
