I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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