Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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