Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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