I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
