All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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