I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
and you fell through a lawn chair
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
