I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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