3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
