This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
