I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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