You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
