I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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