...so i touched it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
