I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
