So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
