I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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