she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
