i jhust puked up my retainher.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
