I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
