i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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