we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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