I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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