My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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