well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
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