i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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