Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
