haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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