i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
