just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
