Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
