i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
