my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
