Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
