Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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