did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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