Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
