just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
