and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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