I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
