I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
