She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
