I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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