His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
