trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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