I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
