i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I need moral support for this bender
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
