shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
