If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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