Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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