READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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