once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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