the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
