i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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