i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
