Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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