Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
