it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
