We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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