All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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