Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
this will be a night to untag.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize