brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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