I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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