He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
