Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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